Love is the Glue

Once I realized that I had visitors coming from the other side, I immediately thought: perhaps I am not going to make it. I adored my children but was not worried for them. I instinctively knew that my husband would be fine without me and would look after them well. IMG_0727

I also felt immensely grateful that I had been able to spend so much time with my children during their formative years, that I had chosen to work only part-time so as to be with them more, that I had gone to every band rehearsal and soccer game. That as a community volunteer I had so many wonderful memories to treasure such as the day when I brought my son’s school string group to perform at my father’s nursing home (it brought tears to his blind eyes). So I had no regrets at all.IMG_0295IMG_1684

I looked at this moment like the ending of a story – the story that was my life – with the thought “so this is how it ends”. And I loved the irony of it all, that all my life I had obsessed over health foods and vitamin supplements, and life-affirming rituals like meditation, yet none of that had given me the protection I so desired.

I did not see a tunnel of light. But I was totally aware of this wave of unconditional love and with it an amazing sense of joy. I remember thinking – it’s too simple, but now I get it. Love is the glue of the Universe. Why didn’t I see this before? And I was so incredibly happy to have this knowledge. I thought if I got through all this I would shout it out – it’s love, love, love. That’s all there is.

I also felt strongly that I had brought this drama all on myself. For the previous eight years I had been managing the needs of two elderly parents who were in serious decline, and also the needs of two young, very active sons. Plus trying to fit in work, my partner, friends and the rest. I had become a classic example of the sandwich generation – caring for elders, caring for children and having no time for myself. So there should be no surprise that this all came crashing to an end.

Though now at least I knew that it is an end with Great Love.IMG_1094

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5 Responses to Love is the Glue

  1. pixelrites says:

    How lucky we are you decided to stay glued to Earth for a bit longer. Your story is wonderful and truly inspiring! I look forward to hearing your “shouts” on “‘love and That’s all there is”. x

    • Thank you Dianne. It was a rarified experience and a gift, but it also made it hard to accept the world we have created. But those insights came later. Thank you for reading … I will keep posting more. Bless you.

  2. This post gave me goosebumps. Your writing comes straight from the heart and because of that is so powerful. It fascinates me and soothes me that you did not feel pained to leave your children behind, as this is the one regret I always assumed I would experience if I were to go through a similar situation. Thank you Amanda, I think that perhaps, like you, I will instead be grateful for all the time I have been lucky to spend x

    • I certainly had fears and regrets as I was rushing into hospital, but once I was in the short coma, all those disappeared. I just knew there was plenty of love around to sustain my children in the years ahead. Yet, I am sure the boundless love they had for me pulled me back.

  3. naveenpal76 says:

    I m loving it.. 🙂

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