The Brain Snap

This journey began four years ago.

I was lying on a trolley, hurtling down a corridor, the paramedics running. I had been on such trolleys before, but never with such speed. I must be dying. Why else would they run? It wasn’t painful, but there was deep, deep regret. For all the things I had planned to do and hadn’t.

Dreams like skittles flew past, back into the abyss. Watching my sons, 8 and 12, not grow up. Writing my book, never. Nursing my parents to their ends, as their sole carer who would finish that job? Enjoying time with my partner, gone. Time with my friends, lost. Time, time, time. So much time wasted.

 So this is how it ends? Rudely, quickly, messily, so much left unsaid and unfinished. And I was the healthy one. Ha! All the regrets piled up, crashed into my pain-wracked body and stopped. A new force came through. A rolling wave of love, a real tsunami of connectedness swept over me and up through the core of my being. For all those rushing around me, there was intense love. Love for my family and friends, love for my community and love for my being.

So this is why we are here!

The walls of the corridor pulsated and the air sparkled around me. How did I not know this? It’s all about love! That is all. It’s all about how we love and care for one another. So simple. Why couldn’t I see it before? But now I am dying and it’s all too late. Why must I receive this realisation so late … too late?

Fade to black. In the dead space, the drugged place of an induced coma, my partner was told the facts. That I was having a brain hemorrhage. That there was only a fifty percent chance that I would make it through the night. That, if I survived, there was a high probability I would be permanently brain damaged.

The lights were turned on and I began to piece together my surrounds. A nurse bent over every hour to ask ‘What’s your name? Where are you? What’s the date?” And all I wanted to say: “I love you. You’re beautiful! What’s your name?”

The ward was brightly lit 24/7. How on earth can anyone get any decent rest? But rest is not what doctors here wanted for their patients. In the bed next to me lay Donald who was not waking up. Every hour a nurse would come past and bark “Donald”. Then louder and louder, Donald, DONALD,  D O N A L D!

Poor Donald, I loved him too and wanted him to wake up. So I could tell him.

The tubes running out of my brain prevented me from turning my head to see him closer. Yet, Donald and I were closely linked and forever, that I knew. 

Friends later pooh-poohed the mystical, life-affirming experience I had during my Near Death Experience. They said it was an illusion brought on by the drugs that were pumped into me.

Weeks after I had been discharged. The drugs had left my body, but the love stayed with me. It had entered my soul and I began to reappraise my life’s purpose through the eyes of love.

Then the changes really began. 

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9 Responses to The Brain Snap

  1. bentpeople says:

    I want to hear more!
    superb to meet you at the workshop! Let me know if you add a ‘subscription email’ to new posts and I’ll sign up… Om shanti… adriana

  2. A great start – Can’t wait to hear what comes next!

  3. Thank you for this really touching insight. All the great mystics, past and present, have expressed the same truth that your NDE revealed – it’s all about LOVE.

  4. pixelrites says:

    Thank you for sharing your amazing story. It’s wonderous and I am glad you choose to stay and tell your story! Look forward to reading more.

  5. anita5howard says:

    This reminds me of when my surgeon placed his hand on my head and out of the corner of my eyes I saw my parents, husband and sons 3 & 5 all in tears. I was 29 in 2 days and was told I had breast cancer.
    No one but you knows what you experience at that moment and nor do they have the right to judge what you felt.

    • Thank you Anita. Yes, I know this is a v-e-r-y tardy response, but better late than never. I hope all is going well in your world. Are you still continuing with your blog and love of East Timor? All the best and great blessings to you this Christmas.

  6. I too have had such an experience but not near death, in response to prayer at a really sad point in time…it too changed me and by the way, no drugs were involved as your friends suggested. What you experienced was real and that’s why it was life changing. God bless you. Regards Leanne

  7. Hi Amanda, I wanted to let you know that I have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Bloggers Award. Although I realize you may be too busy to accept, I just wanted you to know how much I have enjoyed your blog, and that I wish there was more of it! Should you wish to accept you can visit my blog and copy the protocol for doing so. Thanks, Michele

    • Michele, I am delighted and touched that you should nominate me in this way. Yes, I have been terribly slack in my own writing but I find the few blogs I am following so uplifting and soul-centring. In these posts, there are revelations there which I truly cherish. Thank you for the reminder to not neglect the brighter spots of the blogosphere. Love, Amanda

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